Oops…they did it (without) you again
Leadership, from the role to development to the science, was literally designed without you in mind.
Let’s get one thing straight: if you’ve ever sat in a meeting thinking, “Am I the only one who thinks this isn’t going to work for me?”
The answer is nope. You’re not crazy. You’re just a woman trying to lead a team in a system that wasn’t designed for you.
🫖 But her'e’s the tea…
For decades, leadership models were basically created by studying 🍆 🍆🍆 leading companies, countries, and even American football teams. (Yes, really. Football coaches where men lead men...)
And then, surprise! Those same models were used to decide who counts as an “outstanding” leader.
Spoiler: It wasn’t you. Or any woman, really.
Here’s why that matters:
When you’re judged by frameworks never meant to include you, you end up feeling like you’re constantly one step behind, never quite “doing it right.” Like you have to be warm (but not too warm), competent (but not threatening), decisive (but not bitchy), and please everyone while you’re at it.
Sound familiar?
As a management professor, leadership consultant and coach, I am shifting the way we think about leadership to do something that shouldn’t be revolutionary…INCLUDE WOMEN!!!
My own research on the CIP model of leadership revealed the limits of this and other leadership theories in how they explain and promote effective leadership. Here are some of my favorite takeaways from that work…
💡 3 Takeaways for Women Who Are Over This Bullsh*t
1️⃣ Stop Playing a Game You Didn’t Design
If you feel like you’re constantly being whiplashed between “be assertive!” and “be nice!” it’s because you are. These models expect you to lead exactly like men…or get penalized. You’re not failing leadership. Leadership frameworks have failed you.
2️⃣ Choose Your Blend—Not Their Boxes
Research shows women leaders actually use a mix of styles to lead effectively in a world full of double standards and contradictory expectations. And guess what? That flexibility is a strength, not a flaw. You don’t have to pick one label. You get to be the leader who can adapt—and that’s what drives results.
3️⃣ Don’t Internalize Broken Systems
When you’re told you’re “too emotional,” “too ambitious,” or “too much,” remember: you are measured against outdated expectations. You are not the problem to fix.
🔥 Here’s What You Can Do Instead
🧐 Learn how gender bias shows up so you can see it coming and make a plan for how to respond. This will help you respond effectively and feel more confident doing so
🧘🏽♀️Be flexible. Don’t feel like you need to lead in one particular way. Instead, carefully analyze situations and consider what will be most effective based on the factors at play.
👯 Find the mentors and peers who will remind you that your leadership isn’t just valid. It’s powerful.
Because here’s the thing… we don’t need more women trying to fit into old leadership molds. We need more women breaking them.
Ready for Something Different?
If you’re ready to ditch the outdated rules and learn how to lead effectively, connect with me on my socials (LinkedIn, @drkelc on Insta) or join my email list!
And if you’re hungry for more RIGHT NOW, then order a copy of my book: Painted Wolves: A New Model of Leadership from Powerful Women.
I’m Dr. Kelsey Medeiros, business school professor and leadership consultant and coach who’s not guessing but has literally done the research. And yes, I’m here to help you and your teams develop the leadership strategies that actually work for you.
